What is Down Syndrome?
The human body is made of cells. All cells contain a center, called a nucleus, in which genes are stored. Genes, which carry the codes responsible...
1 year, 5 months ago
Diana Hare
Hello everyone!! I am looking forward to reading and hearing from all of you. Our son is just over four months old now, but we still have not told his other siblings about the fact that he has DS. Can anyone tell me from their experience what a good time is to tell them? His siblings are 12, 10, and 3. None of them have noticed yet that he’s ’different’. We actually thought about not telling them at all until they’d ask us once they noticed some differences in his behavior. We are completely new to this and would welcome your thoughts and suggestions. Thank you, Diana
Hi Diana,
These are such difficult questions and of course they are different for every family. We are going to let our kids just evolve and when they seem like they are figuring out that something is a little different, we will just matter of factly let them know that their brother has a condition called down syndrome but it does not change the person that they already know and love. Of course, we have a little bit of a different situation given that Teddy is the oldest (5) and his two brothers are younger. But my three year old already knows that something is a bit different but it makes no difference to him whatsoever.
I think your 12 and 10 year old should probably be told..They are mature and they will be a great help to you going forward. The same may be true for your three year old but he may be a little young to understand.
I do strongly believe though that it won’t have any impact on how they love and embrace their new brother.
I wish you the best of luck. Please come back and let us know how your wonderful son is doing.
Justin
It would be great to get other opinions about this as well… Please chime in folks.
J-
Hello Justin. Thanks for your feedback. I think our 3 year old is still a little to young to understand what it really means, but I agree that we should explain to his older two siblings what’s going on. Only…. I think that both, my husband and I are still trying to understand – daily, so it’s difficult for us to convey this to our older children. I think that we’ve passed the ’denial’ stage a long time ago, but I don’t think that we’ve truly ’accepted’ the condition either. Don’t get me wrong. We love all of our children equally, but part of us do not want to believe that he is going to be living any less independent than his other three siblings, or is able to do/learn anything less than the other ones. Are we expecting too much?
Diana
My son, Jeff, was almost 10 when Jenny was born…he was told the day after Jenny was born. My son, Kenneth, was only 14 months old but he has known since he was 2 or 3…a little bit more each year. Kenneth is only now (at 11) truly realizing the differences between himself and Jenny…hard sometimes for him to deal with, but he too joins in being amazed at the things his sister is learning to do. Both boys have been extremely supportive for their sister and have helped her learn things that most doctors wouldn’t have expected from her.
Hello Lisa,
Thank you for sharing your information. I was thinking about your post for quiet a while because I was wondering the same about my 10 year old… actually, he’s turning 10 next week
When we found out that we were expecting, the doc told us we’d have a girl first. Our son was devastated at the time, cause he’s already got two sisters and wanted us to ’even’ the score (men… what can I say 
A month later, the doc told us we’d have a boy instead. Our son was on cloud 9, so to speak. Since then, he hasn’t stopped bragging about how he’s going to play soccer, football, etc. with him. I keep telling myself that one of the reasons why we haven’t said anything yet is that we don’t want to disappoint him either. On the other hand, I am wondering if our older children would be more upset with us at the end if we didn’t tell them. In any case, I think it is wonderful how family simply accepts, adapts, and overcomes. I am also happy to hear that your little girl Jenny is able to do and learn things most doctors wouldn’t have expected from her. Kids are amazing, I am truly learning a lot from them, every day 
Diana